Clinical psychologist Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD, offers replies to reader questions submitted anonymously to Ask the Psychologist.

A question ask Dr.Joseph about her situation:” Today I found myself in a very tough, emotional situation with our key female employee. When I found her crying as she came out of the restroom, and asked what was wrong, she confided in me that last night her husband of 3 years admitted he had cheated on her last December. They have a new baby boy (their first child), born in October. She asked me not to tell anyone here at work or elsewhere, and of course I promised I wouldn’t. I encouraged her to try and work it out, go to counseling, hang in there, as I know her husband (I believe he loves her very much and accidently strayed due to new-parent pressures etc.) and was very involved in their wedding. She said several times that she loves her husband very much, that is he is highly remorseful and guilt-ridden, and that they are starting counseling tonight. She has never brought her personal life into the workplace before this. Her tears touched me so deeply that I also cried, just seeing her in so much pain.

This young woman’s character is beyond reproach. She has been with us for 7 years, exhibits excellent work and personal ethics and has been absolutely by far the best employee we have ever had. I want to tell my husband (her boss) that she is going through a rough patch at home (no details), just to give him a heads-up if her work performance suffers. She is a real work horse in our firm. It would break my heart if he criticized her functioning, even though justified, because I know she would not say word one about her personal problems and would take it on the chin like the champ she is.

Should I tell him or remain silent? My gut feeling is that I want to protect her and support her, while not betraying her confidence. Yet I also have deep and absolute loyalty to my husband in our workplace, since we have built the practice together over 30 years and constantly bounce ideas back and forth, and discuss challenges with each other. He is the president and I am vice-president of our firm.

I am completely torn between these conflicting issues. Any advice you can give me would be deeply appreciated.”

I think this could be a very critical issues when it come to an employement management. However, Dr. Joseph have done a great job to answer her question.

http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/07/23/tell-the-boss/